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DE-FUNKING YOUR LIFE – How Can I Feel Happy, Energetic and Inspired by Life Again?
Hey, we all wake up some days “dealing with a funk”… whether it’s a self-imposed funk or an accidental funk, we get a funk, and that funk feels… feels….. sorta… funky. ..
So, “Whadda we gun do bout deet”
Fun is fun…
Funk is a heart attack. Yes, that’s right, a heart attack. It is either a real heart, a love heart or a spiritual heart.
So, when we get into a funk, it’s a heart attack, and if we ignore it or try to get out of that funk without taking a break, we’ll escalate that funk into a real crisis.
Instead of getting out of da funk, we should embrace it.
The funk doesn’t last. The funk may last a day, sometimes a week. In that week we have to mend a broken heart and therefore we need to change some distortions.
Let’s take a look at… what we have to do when we succumb to the funk…
1. Check for physical funk heart attack.
Now, in Chinese medicine all organs are directed to the heart. So, even if your anus hurts, it has something to do with your heart. So, when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now that we know that our heart is under physical attack, we need to trace back to its source.
It’s not the tomato sauce that’s the root source, and it could be the kidneys, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (if you’re only female), and more. So, a heart attack causes a blow, but the attack comes from remote places.
I once had a heart attack that bought me six months on a funk. I did more yoga and went to the doctor and they x-rayed my testicles until I glowed in the dark but they still did more tests. Once they put electrodes on my fingers and sent shocks through my body and asked, “Does it hurt?” They should have worked at Guantanamo Bay.
Despite all those tests and having a specialist get the new Lamborghini out of all my bills, the fun was not lost. But one day, I bent down to pick up a coin and shhhhhh I felt pain in my body like I’m giving birth to the incredible hulk.. and I don’t have a vagina… so they rushed me to the hospital. And a Maasai warrior had a kidney stone the size of an engagement ring on his earlobe. My kidney was suffering from six months and now decided to expose it to the world.
Getting that stone down my urethra was like trying to get a competitor to suck a straw on a milk shake..or worse, trying to drink a McDonald’s thick shake through a straw….
After a week of taking a few pills that made the world look pretty good, even to my ex, they then broke the rock into meteorite-sized pieces that they told me to collect in a strainer every time for the next two weeks. . Well, it wasn’t hard to know when to reach for the strainer, in fact my neighbors could have done it by squealing and screaming as the pieces of coral traveled down Freddy and exited my body…
Suffice to say, after a few months, there was no funk.
A funk is a heart attack and you know more than one funky day a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source… if you’re over 50, get your cholesterol checked, send a submersible to check your heart isn’t blocked, then ask a good doctor to send a finger where fingers don’t usually come. Your prostate is worth checking… then, if they don’t find anything, look elsewhere, blood test, etc.
I could have found my kidney stone but I withdrew too early.
Once you have done your whole body and your whole body MRI.. go to step 2.
Step 2. Check Love Funk Heart Attack
De funk is also depression. Depression is a bad word because it’s “stereotyped”… “Oh, he’s depressed” is “he’s got the plague – stay away, wear a mask.”
So, let’s call depression a “love funk.”
This funk is not common for women. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially men who hate them)… and there are allocations.. but that’s another topic.
For blokes, a “love funk” can come months after a love funk moment. A breakup or some bad news like “Hey, did you know your wife is banging your neighbor?”…many men are not in touch with their emotions, even if they are hit by a love funk event, it’s a delayed reaction like an earthquake aftershock. Which can take months or years to surface.
I remember breaking up with a partner before I was enlightened… (just kidding).. Anyway, that was a while ago. I’m hurt but I don’t even know it. I carried on like nothing happened and then I got the funk… the love funk… about 2 years later.
I went to the doctor and described my symptoms and he suggested I need psychological counseling. (Which is still true) But aside from that, I had a love funk about the previous relationship even though I was happy in the new relationship. Looks like I wasn’t being honest with myself and as my dad used to say, “be tough and be strong”, here I am with Love Funk.
I didn’t take pills, I took some herbs….St John’s Wort…Worst branding for an anti depressant I have ever heard. Who is St. John and why would his warts be better than mine…. Anyway, I took that stuff and then set about working through my attachments, hurt, guilt (there was a lot of it) and anger about the whole old relationship. Crap is such a waste of time but I have a funk and I can’t live in a world of love funk much longer.
Step 3. Check for spiritual funk heart attack
Spiritual funk has driven me up the wall more times than I care to admit.
A spiritual funk is losing hope in my dreams for the future.
When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL football star, I trained every morning, every night I slept with a footy next to me, I had pictures of me on my walls and I loved playing footy. Then, in one game I jumped and reached for the stars to get a mark and landed on my bent ankle. He tore the ligament in the bone. In those days, they plastered everything, even snakebites, so, I was just a sprained ankle that couldn’t stand anything rougher than a bowling green. I sprained my ankle more than 100 times over the next few years while walking in the Himalayas, including Nepal. It took me five years of yoga to become trustworthy again. Suffice to say my football career is over.
I got spiritual funks and went to the doctor… he said, “You’ve got depression” but I was a hero, a laughing, funny guy. No depression for me. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sporty hero were dashed, I too found spiritual bliss.
Years later my marriage imploded and my three children took off across the world to, as my ex-wife put it, “get as far away from you as possible”. So I went to a cliff to jump.. I didn’t want any more fun… I didn’t jump – of course.
Many, many, many, many.. people I meet have a spiritual funk… you can tell someone with a spiritual funk because they feel old around them, have no twinkle in their eye and are obsessed with what other people think.
A spiritual funk is a bad funk… and to deal with it, we use four options:
Food and alcohol and drugs… We can escape the funk by shoveling food, pouring alcohol over it, or taking our brains away from it. So, obesity, drug addiction, alcoholism, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon problems and more, can be directly linked to spiritual funk… lost dreams, lost hopes and past attachments.
Greed… The poorest man I ever met was the richest. A billionaire who lives in fear of losing it. Greed is not measured in wealth or frugal spending, it is measured in competitiveness, tension, stress and fear.
Sex… when all else fails, bonk. It is this mass consciousness that has saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Many – allot – most of the sex on this planet happens because there’s nothing better to do.. and lucky for us because otherwise we’d run out of people to buy iMacs for. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, holiday resorts and more operate on spiritual funk for significant core business. When the light goes on at the end of the tunnel, people light a match, it’s called sexism. A match light in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel disappear anyway… it’s a great metaphor…
Spirituality… My friend is married with a son. I feel sorry for him. She meditates for 4 hours a day and thinks that something great happens as a result. But really, the spark is gone and her hiding place is just being legitimized, crossed on the floor, eyes closed, in no-man’s-land…
My friend is in a spiritual funk and has been there for 20 years. Since she’s been getting fatter in the last five, now that spirituality doesn’t disturb the world enough, she’s eating.. my goodness, she’s eating enough to feed a third world country… and then a colony… part of her spiritual cleansing. .. Her two children have recently become teenagers, and are under medical care for depression… Remember my quote from Jung… “Nothing affects a child more than a lifeless life. Parents?”
Okay, so there are three sources of funk… all of which affect the heart.
There is physical funk that comes from the body but ultimately attacks the heart. If we have The Funk it’s the first place because your body is nature’s bible… it’s telling you things and it pays to listen.
A love funk is… emotional things that have gone underground and are eating up your energy… like suppressed anger leads to depression. Guilt, shame, guilt, victimization, anger, jealousy, are love funk triggers.
There is a spiritual funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this funk. It’s dark, desperate, and makes people act, breathe, eat, sleep, lean, and pray in some radical and strange ways. You can’t fight a spiritual funk… If you have, because some dreams have been shattered, it’s time to reinvent yourself. Banging your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself might work but that’s not what nature intended and it’s certainly not the way to funk free living.
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