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What Not to Do on a First Date!
I once went on a first (and last) date with a guy who broke the ice by telling me he’d been married three times, hurt and used by everyone, and was still living with his ex! There was more — something about a plan to make sure he got the entire marital estate — but I wasn’t listening until then. All I could think was: “Why are you telling me this?!”
Dating ‘don’ts’ are things you should never do or say on a date. When the other person displays this ‘don’t’, the blissful love soundtrack in your head goes zzzzz and the line on your heart monitor goes flat!
Most of us know what not to say on a first date. The words “still in love with my ex” come to mind. But what about the more subtle topics you won’t touch with a yardstick? Here are a few ‘don’ts’ so deadly that date number two is guaranteed not to happen.
1. Your romantic past
Never bring up your former flame! I remember going out on a date once and as we were walking into a restaurant, he turned on the music…singing loudly with tears in his eyes. After about 2 minutes, I realized that these songs were all romantic ballads and the lyrics were all about a man crying out for his lost love!!!
I suggested a quick drink instead and had 2 gin and tonics and passed out the fastest I’ve ever done.
Moral of the story…we don’t want to hear about what went wrong in your past relationships (at least not on the first date), how your ex was the sexiest, most devoted or loving woman ever, what her favorite drink was. She was always on time for dates or how!
If it’s a blind date, don’t compare yourself to anyone famous
Now we all know it doesn’t work as we want it to. Certainly, most of us compare ourselves to someone famous. With me, Iman usually meets ‘Jackie Brown’. I can live with that. But personality wise, apparently I’m Monica from Friends, Eva from Desperate Housewives and Samantha from Sex and the City all rolled into one! Those comparisons are obviously wrong…Ha! My point? Most people look like more slightly deformed versions of these famous stars. I have never met anyone who looked like the fictional celebrity they described. So proceed with caution. Unless, of course, you’re good-looking, you can say that famous people look like you…
2. Don’t check other people!
Hey, it’s no different than going on a date and realizing a girl with cleavage is checking out your face, or realizing she’s checking out a man with the cutest tight butt you’ve ever had. Ever seen! This doesn’t happen often, and it’s usually another sign of insecurity, but if it does, I usually try to make a simple comment, maybe something like “You know, if you hurry, you might make that girl hold a bucket of drool. As we speak It’s piling up by the way. Go ahead, I’ll wait…” Please please please don’t check out anyone else while on a date because it’s a really quick turn off, unless you want to do it just do it!
3. Don’t ask what they think of you
For God’s sake! Have some confidence! Read the clues. You will know whether they are repulsed by you or attracted to you. I once met a man with whom I had been communicating on the phone for some time. I really liked the guy he was on the phone with. About 5 minutes into our first one-on-one date, he asked me if I was depressed. At that point, I turned to him, put my hand on the back of his head, pulled him close enough for a kiss, and whispered in his ear, “Don’t ask me that again!”. If he had any clue or any confidence he would have read that obvious sign and had a chance at a second date. However, he asked me the same question a half dozen more times during the rest of the evening. This extreme lack of confidence made him much less attractive to me. So he remained in the category of friends (you know, men hate when there is no opportunity for sex). So men and women, don’t forget, one of the most attractive qualities is confidence without ego.
4. Don’t have sex on the first date!
If he/she asks you back to their place for coffee, he/she wants to have sex (or something close). If she really likes that last glass of pink bubbly, she should suggest a late night bar. Similarly, when you have to pass three Mr Lees to get there, suggest a Chinese takeaway and he’ll be happy with his sweet and sour pork balls!
You know, the older I get, the more traditional I become. Yes, I know, it’s a sign of old age (a little!) but I’ve made some mistakes, and I want to stand up. The thing is that this rule affects men more than women. Guys, if we like you so much, and we promise, we want to sleep with you sometime. That doesn’t mean we’ve had sex with the entire England football team! I don’t question the fact that men feel uncomfortable sleeping with a potential Ms. on the first date, that’s just the way it is. Always good to savor the anticipation!
Camellia Fredericks, image consultant and dating coach can be contacted at http://www.thedivineimage.co.uk.
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